Finding My Son's Birth Mom

"If a mother and father can love more than one child...it only makes sense that a child can love more than one mom or dad."

NATIONAL BIRTH MOTHERS DAY is May 8, 2021. It is always on the Saturday before Mother's Day to honor birth mothers and offer a show of support. It is a day to recognize the biological mothers of adopted children.

I’m so happy to share that earlier this year we were able to find my son Luis’ birth mom and connect with her via the WhatsApp video call service. We had tried for years to locate her. Pretty much from the moment Luis expressed an interest, I was utilizing my contacts from the Guatemalan adoption community to learn about searches and the steps to do one. Over the years, we worked with a couple of searchers but they were not able to find her. They did uncover some details about a case of false identity on our adoption paperwork. This was common with Guatemalan adoptions. I wasn't giving up hope though.

It wasn't until this February of 2021, as we were finishing up my husband's birthday dinner celebration, when I got a Facebook message from another adoptive mom in my Guatemalan Families Group that everything really came together. See back in 2015, when Luis was eight years old, he had taken the 23andMe DNA test. When we got the results we discovered a first cousin match. Most of the families I was in touch with had not found that close of a match and were excited for us!

We found out that his cousin had also been adopted. Through Facebook, I was able to connect with her mom and we formed a relationship in which she knew it was our desire to find Luis' birth mom. She had told me that she had successfully connected with and met in person with her daughter's biological mother. In fact, she texted and messaged with her regularly. I was determined to figure out how Luis and her daughter were connected. According to 23andMe it was a maternal connection. I asked over the years for my friend to press her daughter's birth mom for details about a possible sister or cousin that had placed a child for adoption. Now, please know, this is a very delicate scenario, often times in Guatemala birth mothers hid their pregnancies from family, covered the situation up, and were very scared to let anyone know about their situations.

Over the years I would check in with Luis' cousin's mom and let her know about the status of our search. Ultimately, it was her daughter's amazing birth mother aka angel that made the connection with her own cousin who is in fact my son's birth mom. She was ready to admit that she was the woman in the photograph we had and was willing to connect with us. I swear! It's an Oprah story!

Once we confirmed with our current Searcher we told Luis that we had in fact found his birth mom. He knew all along about our efforts and age appropriate details. What a moment. I was joyous and so happy to be able to share this news with him. Having comforted him and witnessed his struggles I knew this was the answer to a lot of the uncertainty he felt.

Through our trusted partners and friends in Guatemala we were able to facilitate a video chat to meet one another. Thank you technology! Our angel traveled to Guatemala City to be with her cousin and meet with our Searcher. Joining the call was our Psychologist and Translator. It was about thirty minutes of smiles, tears and questions. When it ended, more hugs, tears and journaling about the experience followed.

I was overjoyed and wanted to share the good news with our family and friends. I began to get a lot of questions one of which included - Aren't you afraid he'll want to leave and go be with her? Sure he desires to visit Guatemala again and connect in person with his birth mom. We can't wait to make that happen. But as far as being afraid, nope. Not at all. I believe my personal history and actually having learned (as an adult and having just begun Luis' adoption) that my own mom was a birth mother and that her biological son had found her after thirty plus years prepared me for this moment with my son.

The message in my heart - There is plenty of love to go around.

Meet Kelly Pramberger

Kelly is a multi-passionate fan of women-driven businesses, B Corps, and a lover of coffee until it is time for kombucha. She is living a sparkly and authentic life in Western Massachusetts with her husband of 17 years, their teen son who was adopted from Guatemala, and their mini Goldendoodle. She loves cheering on women entrepreneurs and helping them find meaningful collaborations. Follow her on Instagram (@kellypramberger).